If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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