Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
