I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
