Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
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