dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
