you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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