I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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