The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
