cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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