I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
