After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
