Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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