When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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