Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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