I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
