Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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