Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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