I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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