woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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