I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
