You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Quick, to the slutcave!
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize
