Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
