R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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