I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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