Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
