im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
