New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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