She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Randomize
