You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Randomize
