he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I FOUND THE LEGS
is that a dick in a sweater?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
