He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
