I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Randomize
