My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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