You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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