Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
