All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
