haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
