someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
