Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
