I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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