White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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