She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You were trust falling into bushes
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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