I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
