I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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