I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
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