the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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