i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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