the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
