it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
