big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
