I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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