Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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