it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
